The unwritten rules of being a girl begin from a very young age. Imagine a boy being constantly told how to sit, how to speak, how to dress, how to behave, and basically how to live correctly. Sounds strange, right? After all, how can someone teach us how to live? It is our life, and we have the right to live it the way we want, without constantly being told what is right or wrong for us. Yet, when it comes to girls, these expectations seem completely normal. From childhood, girls are taught how they are supposed to behave, and these small instructions slowly become the unwritten rules that shape how they live.
But in real life, this does not seem weird when it happens to a girl. From a very young age, girls are introduced to a set of unwritten rules that nobody officially writes down, yet everyone somehow expects them to know. They learn how to sit, how to speak, how to dress and even how to behave in a way that is considered appropriate for a girl.
These unwritten rules slowly become a part of everyday life. They are passed from one generation to another, often so naturally that we stop questioning them.
The Rules Have Always Existed
This idea of controlling how girls should live is not new. In the 19th century, child marriage was common in many societies, and girls could be married when they were still children and had little or no say in the decision. Their childhood, education and future could be decided for them before they were even old enough to understand what they wanted.
Society has changed significantly since then. Girls today have greater access to education, careers and opportunities, and many of the restrictions imposed on women in the past have been challenged. Yet, some unwritten rules have survived by simply changing their form.
The rules may no longer be as obvious as they once were, but the expectation that girls must behave differently from boys still exists.
The Rules We Learn Without Being Taught
Nobody needs to sit a girl down and give her a list of instructions. She learns these unwritten rules through everyday comments, reactions and expectations.
She learns that being too loud is inappropriate, that coming home late is unacceptable, that certain clothes are not suitable, or that being too outspoken can make her seem disrespectful. She learns to think twice before doing things that a boy might do without a second thought.
What makes these rules even more powerful is that they are rarely applied equally. Confidence can be seen as leadership in a boy but arrogance in a girl. Ambition can be admired in a boy but considered excessive in a girl. The behaviour is the same, but the judgement is different.
When Protection Becomes Restriction
Many of these unwritten rules are introduced in the name of protection. Girls are told to be careful about where they go, what they wear, whom they talk to and when they return home. Safety is undoubtedly important, but should staying safe require girls to constantly limit themselves?
Instead of only teaching girls how to avoid danger, society should also teach everyone about respect, boundaries and responsibility. A girl’s freedom should not have to shrink because someone else might choose to behave badly.
Protection should make someone’s world safer, not smaller.
Breaking the Unwritten Rules
This is where feminism becomes important. Feminism is not about proving that girls are better than boys. It is about questioning why gender should determine how a person is expected to behave or what they are allowed to become.
A girl should not have to prove that she is stronger, smarter or more capable than a boy to deserve equal respect. Her worth should not depend on how quiet, obedient or well-behaved she is.
Breaking these unwritten rules does not mean rejecting every form of guidance. It means questioning the rules that exist only because society has always expected girls to behave a certain way.
Let Her Write Her Own Rules
For generations, girls have been told what they should be. Perhaps it is time to ask them what they want to be.
Let a girl be ambitious without being called selfish. Let her be confident without being called arrogant. Let her speak her mind, make mistakes, learn from them and choose her own path.
A girl should not have to spend her entire life trying to fit into unwritten rules created by a society that existed before she did.
Because she is not a list of expectations. She is not of her ow a set of rules.
She is a person with a voice, a choice and a life. And perhaps it is finally time to let her write the rules.
– Charvi Jain
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